June 18, 2010
LUKALIPS DESTRUCTION CO. CREATES A NEW CHARITY FOR KIDS
June 6, 2010
GENE SPLICING DIVISION OF LUKALIPS DESTRUCTION CO. CREATES TROY
LUKKARILA/ANIMAL HYBRID
There was
much celebrating in the labs of Lukalips Destruction Co., this weekend.
Chants of "We did it! We did it!" were heard emanating from
the offices. They are celebrating a breakthrough in
human/animal gene splicing. Scientists in the Lukalips' genetics
lab have successfully combined the genes of company leader
Troy Lukkarila with the genes of several other animals to create a brand
new species. Said one scientist, "It has always been my dream to
create an abomination of nature, I have finally realized that dream!"
"We still have much to learn," explained scientist Dr. Linda Snardgrass,
"We don't even know what to feed it, except we have found it to have an
affinity for beer. So, we just kind of keep it liquored up."
When asked what animals comprise this new species, Dr. Snardgrass
replied "Hell, I don't know. We threw all kinds of shit in there.
We kind of lost track."
March 29, 2010
TROY LUKKARILA FEATURED IN NATIONAL MAGAZINE
Click to enlarge (new window)
November 18, 2009
LUKALIPS DESTRUCTION CO THROWS GALA TO CELEBRATE ONE MILLION
VIDEO VIEWS
Roland is seen here celebrating this
historic milestone.
November 5, 2009
TROY LUKKARILA TAKES BRAVE STAND AGAINST CLAMP TRAPS
"I HAD TO GNAW MY OWN F**KING LEG OFF!"
An unhappy Troy Lukkarila displays his wound.
Editorial
by Troy Lukkarila:
OK, I get it! Stealing copper from air conditioners is wrong!
But did I deserve this? Wasn't the punishment just a bit
excessive? I spent three hours eating off my own leg to escape
this ridiculous bear trap! That's three hours I'll never get back!
And I had to do all without anything to drink and without a side dish.
I mean, sure my leg tasted good and all, but it was too much of a good
thing. Now if I had a little salad and some wine to offset the
flavor, the whole experience wouldn't have been so bad. Anyway,
that was one of my favorite legs and I'm going to miss it. Bear
traps suck!
May 09, 2009
TROY WINS FIRST PLACE AT MONSTER MASH
(Jacksonville Public Library 6th Annual Film Festival)
Troy is seen here celebrating with his award.
September 21, 2008
TROY LUKKARILA PLEADS FOR NEW LIVER
July 22, 2008
TROY LUKKARILA OFFERS CHALLENGE TO NATION'S KIDS
July 09, 2008
MAJOR UPSET IN FLORIDA LOTTERY
There was a major upset in this week’s Florida lottery
in that Troy Lukkarila didn’t win. “I picked very strong numbers so
there’s no reason I shouldn’t have won,” stated a disheartened
Lukkarila. “I believe the system is rigged and I’m officially calling
for a federal investigation. I spent a dollar on this thing and I got
back absolutely nothing! Do you think that’s right?” He continued by
urinating on the ticket and spitting in the face of the convenience
store clerk who sold it to him.
June 24, 2008
PERCY ARRESTED FOR ATTEMPTED ARSON
Troy Lukkarila's close friend Percy was arrested
yesterday in Duval County for attempted arson. We here at Lukalips
Destruction Co. are confident in our colleague's innocence and we
believe that he will be vindicated when all the facts are presented.
June 22, 2008
TROY LUKKARILA ENDORSES VERNON TWINBURGER
"It's only natural that Vernon Twinburger gets my endorsement.
After all, he's already working for us."
-- Troy
May 17, 2008
TROY'S FILM WINS 1ST PLACE AT ZOMBIE FEST
(Jacksonville Public Library 5th Annual Film Festival)
You can view it here:
Also, check out Roy Peak's hillarious entry. You may see some familiar
faces:
February 12, 2006
MUSLIMS, CHRISTIANS AND CELINE DION FANS UNITE AGAINST COMMON ENEMY
Across the globe outrage has erupted into violent
protest due to the defaming of one of pop music’s dearest stars, Celine
Dion, by Troy Lukkarila on his web site. They’re also a bit miffed about
the Mohammed cartoons and the “Jesus skid mark” on his web site, but the
Celine Dion thing really takes the cake.
Pictures of the protesters:
February 6, 2006
NEW CHILDREN'S BOOK BY TROY
Statement from Troy: "I'm getting this strange
vibe that my publisher doesn't like my new children's either.
Sometimes you just can't make some people happy."
February 4, 2006
TROY'S BOOK DROPPED BY PUBLISHERS
Without warning or explanation Troy's book was dropped
by his publisher even before it made it to the bookshelves. Said an
irate Troy, "This is my life's work! They have offended me greatly
by banning my blasphemous book and I shall take my revenge by setting
fire to their headquarters!"
Troy's new book that will probably never see the light of
day
December 19, 2005
TROY REVIEWED IN THE BIG TAKEOVER
Jack Rabid reviews "Unsafe Structure" in issue #57 (25th
Anniversary issue) of
The Big Takeover.
It's not available online so march yourself to the nearest bookstore and
pick one up.
December 7, 2005
FOLIO WEEKLY RUNS ARTICLE ABOUT TROY
Outstanding journalist Shelton Hull has a nice article
this week about Troy in Jacksonville, Florida's Folio Weekly. If
you can't get your hands on a copy, you can read it
here on the WB17 website.
November 1, 2005
"Unsafe Structure" Released to the General Public
October 1, 2005
"Unsafe Structure" CD Release Party
July 10, 2005
IT'S A MIRACLE!
What was described by Troy Lukkarila as “a very painful
itch in a very private area” turned out to be a blessing in disguise,
for shortly after scratching, Troy discovered the divine image of
our Lord imprinted in his underwear. An ecstatic Troy exclaimed, “In the
history of mankind there has never been greater indisputable physical
evidence of God's glory!"
The heathens at eBay refused to list the "Jesus skidmark" under the
guise that it is offensive material, therefore Troy will be holding a
private auction. According to Troy, "The Vatican has shown
interest and I'm hoping to work out a deal with them to where my Holy
underwear can be publicly displayed among other great works of art--
perhaps in the Sistine Chapel."
Troy is hopeful that the Lord will continue to use him as a vessel.
To prepare his body for God's work, Troy is currently maintaining a
Krystal burger and prune Juice fast.
May 26, 2005
Lukalips Destruction Co. Celebrates Year Without News
To celebrate 365 days without significant news, Lukalips
Destruction Co. threw a massive party for the purpose of lifting the
morale of its bored employees. Troy Lukkarila, being the only
employee , was the only person in attendance. He drank too much.
He drooled on himself and muttered something about suing himself for
sexual harassment.
May 26, 2004
Sorry about the email outage
Seems last week we were so overwhelmed with hate mail
and spam that we exceeded our storage limit causing several emails to
get bounced back undeliverable. The problem is solved so keep those
nasty-grams coming!
May 5, 2004
Lukalips Destruction Co. Bids for Disney
Lukalips Destruction Co. made a surprise, unsolicited
offer to buy Walt Disney Co. for an undisclosed amount, rumored to be in
the hundreds. When asked what changes are in store for the Magic Kingdom
should the buyout go through, Lukalips Destruction Co. president, Troy
Lukkarila, said that the aging amusement park "will be moving toward a
more garbage theme. That annoying mouse character will be replaced by a
lovable decapitated version. Frontier Land will replaced by Leper Land.
Tomorrow Land will be replaced by Tomorrow After The Holocaust Land. We
also plan on completely disregarding ride safety. I firmly believe a
ride become more thrilling when there's the possibility of losing a limb
or your head if you don't duck at the right time."
May 4, 2004
"Troy Idiot" #1 at Google and Yahoo
Thanks to some schmuck with no life (you know who you
are) for sending us this tip: Go to Google or Yahoo and type "Troy
Idiot" or "Troy Stupid." We rank #1! Good news for the
morons who can't remember "Lukalips."
April 29, 2004
Cumbersome Sampler #2
FLOCCINAUCHINIHILIPILIFICATION
Our friends at Cumbersome records have released a second
compilation CD. This one features a Troy Lukkarila cartoon along
with several outstanding musical artists. Check it out!
www.cumbersome.net
January 10, 2004
Troy Lukkarila Featured in National Magazine
Click image to enlarge
December 6, 2003
Cumbersome Sampler #1
HONORIFICABILITUDINITATIBUS
Our friends at Cumbersome Records have just released
their newest compilation CD. It includes a track from Troy as well
as other musicians covering all kinds of styles, but they all have one
thing in common- IT AIN'T POP, JACK! Cumbersome is based out of
Australia and they are an abundance of independent media including
music, print and film. Don't be a prick, check them out already!
www.cumbersome.net
September 13, 2003
Two New Reviews
We recently added two new reviews to the
Reviews
page. One reviewer states Troy is "awesome" the other says that
Troy ruined her life. Enjoy!
August 30, 2003
Lukalips.com Migrating to Flash
We kick off our migration to Flash by replacing our main
page with a Flash page. Goodbye HTML!
---
April 8, 2003
Troy Lukkarila Begins Recording His 3rd CD
Troy Lukkarila will begin recording his 3rd studio album
this month. He has temporarily relocated to his former hometown,
Jacksonville, Florida in order to work closely with Roy Peak, who co-
produced his last two CD's.
---
April 1, 2003
Troy Lukkarila Missing
After more than a year of silence from Troy Lukkarila,
speculation has it that Troy Lukkarila is dead. The most popular
rumor to surface is that Mr. Lukkarila met his demise when his stomach
exploded during an egg eating contest. Troy will not verify
or deny these claims.
---
January 3 , 2002
CD Makes NY Rock's Top 10 for 2001
----
December 12 , 2001
Stalking Victim Shows Signs of 'Giving in'
During questioning from local authorities, Troy
Lukkarila disclosed that "significant progress is being made in the
effort to win the affection of Laura Wilson." Troy went on
to explain, "I followed her when she moved all the way from Florida to
New York. She has to respect my tenacity. I mean come on,
it's below freezing outside and there I am in her front yard every
night. What girl wouldn't love that?" When asked if Laura
had given him any indication whatsoever that she may be warming up to
him, Troy answered, "She didn't tell me to go to hell even once
yesterday." Laura Wilson declined repeated requests for
interview.
----
November 6, 2001
Lukkarila Receives a Shitty Review at Splendid
Guess you can't please them all, nor would you want to.
You can read it at
splendidezine.com
or in the Reviews area on this site.
----
October 2, 2001
Lukkarila review on NYRock.com
----
Lukalips Destruction Co. Relocates to New York
Troy Lukkarila announced today that Lukalips Destruction
Co. has been relocated from Florida to New York. So what the hell
does that mean for fans of LDC? It means that shows in the
southeast will now be few and far between, but if you live in the
northeast, you will likely have a greater opportunity enlighten your
life by seeing a Troy Lukkarila show. If you live in the west,
well you're probably screwed until the next tour.
Troy
wants his friends and fans in Florida to know that they will be missed
and his mortal enemies in Florida to know that he his hoping great
pestilence will be brought upon them and their family and that they will
suffer greatly in the coming years.
----
June 15, 1997
Lukkarila Statue Gets Big Thumbs Down
FT. WAYNE, IN- During the yearly open meeting of the
Salge Drive Neighborhood Beautifying Committee, an anonymous male
proposed that a statue be erected at the neighborhood entrance to honor
local seed spitting legend Troy Lukkarila. After a lengthy explanation
of the significance of the seed spitting competitions that took place in
the seventies, the proposal was unanimously voted down. In a brief
interview following the meeting, the anonymous male told reporters, "I
find it disgraceful that people would dismiss their past in this manner.
If ever there was a hero worth immortalizing, it's Troy Lukkarila.
On top of that, I am outraged at this committee's lack of knowledge
about their history. It's a sad, sad day."
----
July 4, 1977
Reigning Champ Lukkarila a "No Show" at Contest
FT. WAYNE, IN- Many of the contestants were relieved
when it became evident that Troy Lukkarila would not be participating in
the seed spitting contest at this year's Salge Drive Block Party.
Fifteen year old Tom Barnes used the opportunity to tell reporters,
"Troy is a big phony! I knew when he had to go against the
teenagers he would chicken out!" Another young lad was quoted
saying, "I think him and his parents moved away." Troy was the
odds on favorite to win the seed spitting contest this year after taking
first place the past two years. He may have moved away, but his
legend will remain on this street for many years to come.
----
July 4, 1976
Lukkarila Seals Seed Spitting Victory Again
FT. WAYNE, IN- For the second year in a row, Troy
Lukkarila proved his unmatched spitting abilities when he took home
first place in the Salge Drive block party seed spitting contest.
Audible moans came from the line as contestants realized they
would have to compete against the living legend. "Next year will
be tough," said the proud Troy Lukkarila. "I will be bumped up to
a higher age division, and some of those guys can really shoot a seed.
But for now, I'm just going to enjoy this glorious victory." Troy was
seen wearing the construction paper medal for the remainder of the day.
----
July 4, 1975
Major Upset in Annual Seed Spitting Contest
FT. WAYNE, IN- In a stunning victory, Troy Lukkarila, an
unknown on the seed spitting circuit, took home first place in seed
spitting contest at this year's Salge Drive block party. Said one
participant, "When he moved into the new neighborhood we had no idea he
was such a good spitter. Where did this kid come from?" When
asked how became such a proficient spitter, the young champion
said, "When I hang out with my cousins, we spit a lot."
