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NEWS and UNINFORMED OPINION (Page 3)

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MACHU PICCHU

November 5, 2015

Here is my trip report for Machu Picchu in Peru..

NEW GRACE JONES RIDE AT DISNEY

August 21, 2015

The Grace Jones Ride at DisneyLand Paris

When I heard about the new Grace Jones ride at Disneyland Paris, I knew I had to go. As soon as I entered the park, it was evident that Disneyland Paris is much different than the American version of the park. First off, there’s nobody there. There was only one other attendant in the park and he just followed me around and spit on me. I guess that’s a French custom. It’s cool, I just wish somebody had warned me about that one. But at least there were no lines! You sure don’t get that in Orlando!

But that’s enough about the park, let me talk about the ride. I was worried when I got close that the Grace Jones animatronic would look stupid and fake, but it didn’t. Probably because it’s not a fucking animatronic. It’s really Grace Jones! And as soon as you get within her reach, she picks you up and throws you somewhere. One time she threw me so far I had to pay to get back into the park. She does this all day and she never gets tired. Sometimes she does it while she’s twirling a hula hoop. She’s amazing! I rode her over and over again!

So if you ever find yourself in that shithole of a city named Paris (France) and can’t find anything to do, my recommendation is you head on over to Disney and get manhandled by Grace Jones. It’s magical!

THE REAL ME

August 20, 2015

Day after day my inbox is filled with messages asking the same thing: "Are you happy with your penis size?" The other question I get, although not as frequently, is "Are you really as big of a dumbass as you seem?" It sounds like people don't know the real Troy Lukkarila. So in order to shed some light on the mystery which is apparently me, I decided to post some facts about myself.

16 FACTS ABOUT TROY LUKKARILA

  1. My toenails protrude out the ends of my shoes and make great weapons.
  2. I eat leprosy with juice and toast.
  3. My nose can touch the ground when I tell the truth.
  4. The dark side of my face houses strange green organisms that play nude volleyball.
  5. I carved my hands in to evil puppets and do a funny ventriloquism act with them over at the planetarium.
  6. I swallowed a fishing hook then jerked it back up. I caught an old shoe.
  7. I watched the doctor pull my brains out through my nose. Then he said, “Oops.”
  8. I can hold a mixed drink with the cheeks of my butt and still socialize.
  9. I can fart a laser.
  10. I use a chisel to peel off my socks at night.
  11. Inside my spinal cord lives a lonesome snake named Mikey.
  12. When I sing my peers join in and shed on the couch.
  13. I stacked all my literature in a pile and found it was only a pizza flier.
  14. My arms make me laugh when I remember how I they were once bloody stubs.
  15. I'm happy with my penis size. OK, not really.
  16. My mother hides the photo album. It contains pictures of me.

ANOTHER TASTELESS PHOTOSHOP BY YOURS TRULY

July 10, 2015

You're welcome.
What's in Jared's pants?

BILL O'REILLY AS A NAKED MOLE RAT

May 19, 2015

Just because I think it's funny.
O'Reilly is a mole rat

TROY STARTS A WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM

May 21, 2015

Troy's Weight Loss Program

TROY LUKKARILA CONTINUES TO RECOVER FROM LATEST ACCIDENT

March 7, 2015

The staff of LukaLips Destruction Company want to thank the kind people for their prayers and well wishes. With the help of the good Lord and a good surgeon, Troy will have his penis reattached before the end of March.

ROY PEAK HAS NEW CD

January 11, 2015

Roy Peak CD >
Roy Peak was an engineer and coproducer for every one of troy Lukkarila's CDs. Now he has his own CD and we urge you to check it out! In fact, we demand it! So if you want this relationship to continue, you just better check it out. RoyPeak.com.

TROY REVIEWS ART AT THE CLAY COUNTY FAIR

December 1, 2014

I had a great time at the Clay County Fair this year. Made some wonderful art discoveries! Check them out here.
Sneaky Jesus is Sneaky

TJ's TUCK-IN SERVICE

November 29, 2014

Our old friend TJ has started yet another business venture. Please check it out!

Am I remembering Picture Pages Correctly?

November 23, 2014

Unfortunately, I'm old enough to remember when Bill Cosby did a segment called "Picture Pages" on the Captain Kangaroo show. As I try to recall some of those episodes, it occurs to me that maybe some of the themes weren't exactly appropriate for kids. I don't know, my memory is fuzzy because I'm drunk.
Picture Pages
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