From the mouth of Troy:

I've been stuck in this Columbia House deal for 30 years. I just need to buy 48 more albums at regular price + shipping and handling then I'm free!

From the mouth of Troy:

How come nobody has figured out how awesome I am?

From the mouth of Troy:

I have two modes: I am either scratching my balls or wishing I could be scratching my balls.

From the mouth of Troy:

The older I get, the better Mrs. Claus looks. And I know exactly when her husband is out of the house.