December 1, 2014

One of the best things about a local fair is the local art. I went to the Clay County fair this year and want to share some of my discoveries. But first I want to say something to these and other artists. Hey artists, nice job! I mean that! I'm going to make some jokes about your art, but that is in no way a reason to get discouraged. You created something man! You got off your ass and made an effort. And you will continue to get better and you will continue to grow. Keep it up!

Now with that being said, here are some of my favorite pieces. The titles presented here may or may not be the actual titles.


The River's Edge
Sorry about the glare, but hopefully you can see it's a little girl enjoying a sunny day sitting among the flowers that grow in the sand next to the edge of a river. She is unaware that just under the surface lurks certain death. Death waits for her to stick her delicate little foot into the water, ready to pull her under and eat her whole in her Sunday dress. Please little girl, don't do it! But the water is so tempting!

THE BEAR (I think)

Bear or Badger
This could be retitled "TROY TAKES A PICTURE OF ART" because of my reflection. I feel sorry for this bear/dog/badger. Poor thing only has three legs and a horrible hump on its back and a malformed eye socket. Also, whatever the hell that thing is, it probably shouldn't have hooves.
Sign at Jacksonville library
If you look closely at the mouth, you can see a series of ones, backward threes, and sixes -- which leads me to believe that this is actually some secret code disguising itself as art. I wonder if Al Qaeda is planning on infiltrating Clay County, Florida. It would make sense, because desert terrorists probably don't know what bears look like. If I could only crack the code…


Princess Magic
So I guess little bored Areola or whatever the Little Mermaid's name is has the magical abilty to grow other princesses out of her hair. Little Isabella wrote her name real big because it's important to know who the artist is so you can easily look up other works in case you might be an interested buyer.


Ducks in Boots
These ducks wearing boots and hats are obviously enjoying the fair. Hopefully these poor tucks aren't suckered in by those prize booths which are inconveniently (fortunately) located in the middle of a field filled with long weeds. Duckies, don't go through there, you'll get burrs and ticks! No, instead I think they are debating on whether or not they want to spend their money on a Ferris wheel that is only four or five ducks high. If you're ever at the Clay County fair, be careful not to trip over the duck Ferris wheel.


Here the American Eagle, symbol of this great nation, stands tall and proud. Hey, wait a second… Eagles don't stand like that. I think this one was hung wrong. I think it's supposed to look like this:
Dead Eagle
This eagle is clearly dead! Just what exactly is the artist saying here? My God, you little communist!


Sneaky Jesus

Let's face it, Jesus has a hell of a right arm. He could easily lay you out with that giant thing!

Here Jesus is feeding people, but he is clearly up to something. Let's take a closer look at his face.

Sneaky Jesus is Sneaky
Yep… this is the face of the guy who offers you a stick of gum that's going to turn your mouth blue or gets you to pose for a camera that’s going to squirt you in the face. Jesus, you are not fooling me one bit!
That's it for 2014. Until next year, remember to buy local art!