From the mouth of Troy:

If monkeys fly out of your butt, it makes me wonder what you were eating. Did you find a little baby winged monkeys to eat? If so, I'd like to try some.

From the mouth of Troy:

We were frolicking in the water and I held her head under a little too long. Oops.

From the mouth of Troy:

I lost an entire Q-tip in my ear.

From the mouth of Troy:

She must be the cleanest girl in the world or else she has some bowel problem because every time I call her, her roommate says she's in the bathroom.