From the mouth of Troy:

My alarm clock goes off at the worst times... usually when I'm asleep.

From the mouth of Troy:

If monkeys fly out of your butt, it makes me wonder what you were eating. Did you find a little baby winged monkeys to eat? If so, I'd like to try some.

From the mouth of Troy:

The bullying in public school has gotten so bad that we decided to home bully our kid.

From the mouth of Troy:

Nobody appreciates the amount of work it takes to be a good creeper.