From the mouth of Troy:

Nobody appreciates the amount of work it takes to be a good creeper.

From the mouth of Troy:

I used to not wear green on St. Patty's Day just so I would get pinched. Nobody pinched me.

From the mouth of Troy:

I stole a wad of cash from the orphanage. I figure I've given them so many orphans that they owe me.

From the mouth of Troy:

How come nobody ever let me in on this whole masturbation thing until now? This is awesome! What will they come up with next? I won't give away the ending in case you haven't tried it.