From the mouth of Troy:

I used to not wear green on St. Patty's Day just so I would get pinched. Nobody pinched me.

From the mouth of Troy:

I'm wanted by the law, but at least I'm wanted.

From the mouth of Troy:

The older I get, the better Mrs. Claus looks. And I know exactly when her husband is out of the house.

From the mouth of Troy:

The strangest thing about aging is I have watched my belly button gradually move up my stomach throughout the years. It's now sitting above my right nipple. I'm so self-conscious about it that I almost put a shirt on when I go to Home Depot.